My "ambition(s)"

When I was young, I always asked my mom a peculiar question, "what do you wanna be when you grow up?" She always smiled and used to tell me that she wanted to be a cook. I was always satisfied with her answer because she cooks awesome. Yes its true! Whenever I have food anywhere, I always think how well my mom cooks & I am ashamed of myself that I can cook nothing at all. But I always knew that we should do something in which we are good at.

My first ambition was being a teacher! At my home, I would take my wooden ruler and acted as if I was a teacher and the walls of my home were black boards!! I loved the fact how I would be able to scold the students. It didn't last long. My interest faded soon and I aspired to be a doctor after that. I watched the soap Sanjivani, which was aired on those days in Star Plus, which revolved around the lives of young doctors. I wanted to be like the character of Juhi and I wanted a Rahul for me!!! It was time we were about to settle in Kolkata. Being in Kolkata, taught me so many things. The fast life of all people and its chaos made me forget all my childish ambitions. I was serious about my studies by then and being a doctor also faded away because I hated Biology in my high school. I didn't think much about my future but always aimed at scoring high in my board exams! And yes, I scored a pretty decent percentage in my 10th board exams & I was happy. I opted for Science in my +2 classes I wanted to be an engineer. I wanted to be an independent lady.

But things went wrong. I cannot explain those precious two years of my life. Yes, I got into an Engineering institute after two years but I was dissatisfied. To make things worse, I was swayed away by things which seemed to be pretty good at that time, but it destroyed me thereafter. Yes, I am still in that phase!! I look for peace. I seem to be jovial and most of the time engage myself in activities. But I am unable to concentrate on things. I feel I am not doing something which I should do. I wish there was someone who would point that out to me, like what should I do. I know what I should do, yet I know nothing! I need ambition!!